What am I suppose to do ?

How can I get her out of my mind? How should I do it? It is getting very difficult for me. We had a discussed and a satisfactory break up, well no break up satisfactory, but yeah, we were okay with it. Even I was, till the day I met her, 6 months after the break up, we met as friends, but when she left....

Man what is this? This is not fair; this shouldn’t be happening with me. Is this obvious? Does this happen with everyone? I am not able to sleep at nights, whenever I close my eyes, her innocent and beautiful face appears, I just visualize her smiling at me, she teasing me in her typical cute ways, hitting me, winking at me, blowing air at my face.

I want to be normal, sleep normally; rather I would love to watch ghosts and monsters instead of her beautiful, cute, sexy, mesmerizing, heavenly, gorgeous, hypnotizing face, whenever I close my eyes. I would not mind that, not at all.

Every song I hear, may it be in Hindi, English, Marathi or even Spanish, (Spanish because language isn’t the bar), I relate the song to her and start missing her. It’s been nearly 12 hours and I have not spoken to her, not even she has sent me a single SMS (text), and these stupid radio stations are continuously playing stupid love songs, damn you RJs. Useless buggers don’t have a heart.

What should I do? We separated for a reason, and that reasons still exists. It is like I can’t be with her and will die if I am not. I don’t even know what is she thinking? Is she missing me the way I do? I hope not, because this is hell, and I can’t see her like that. I shouldn't have met her at the first place. This sucks. Love is just meant for screwing you or may be just half reached love like this.

The name I gave to my blogging account is “The Heart-Mind Connection”, where the hell is it now? Heart wants her, wants her badly and mind thinks practically and has given a solid reason why I shouldn’t be with her, damn you 'my mind'.

What am I suppose to do?

THE AGREEMENT ENDS TODAY

'So, this is it. It all ends today, hey, are you okay ?' I asked. ' Yes I am, at least this is getting over on a positive note.' came the reply. God, how rude is that, I, somewhere in my heart, was expecting a negative response, but she is happy over a " damn positive note". If ever there comes a competition about The most emotionally strongest girl, she is definitely gonna rock. Ladies and gentleman here emerges the new world champion. God, help me.

'Yeah, you are right, we should be happy, after all we both decided this.' I said and continued, ' But its definitely going to feel weird, I mean, I was so in to you for all these years and suddenly its all gonna stop.' I still was hoping, she would say some thing in my favor, but no, I was still at the zilch position. As her back firing sentence was, ' Don't worry re, it all will be fine, you just need to give it some time.'

'Do you really think so ?'

' Yeah, i guess.' she replied.

I remained quite for a long time then, as my long pause was about to end and I was about to open my mouth, of course to say something, she had something to say, ' No its not, its not going to be fine. I am not ever going to be fine, you are not ever going to be fine, nothings fine, nothings fine.'

wohhh, I felt like the king. She was saying the words which I wanted to hear but I spitted some words which I am going to regret till my last breath. What a stupid type of king was I ?

' Cut all your fines, you know what, you were right at first place, now instead of going into all this again we should end this now and here.'

I couldn't look in her eyes, I made her cry one more time. This was the only reason we were here.

' I am sorry.' I said, ' I didn't mean to hurt you, I never ever even in my dreams can bring a thought of hurting you. But this happens, I don't know how but it happens, unknowingly, I never mean it or want it, you know that.'

'I know.' she acknowledged.

' It will really be better if we stop this, I don't want to hurt you even more.' Came out of my mouth. And even before she cloud say anything, I hugged her, kissed her forehead and left.

13

I don’t know how are you going to react after reading this one, but I am writing what I felt when I was in Malaysia on 13^th June on 13^th floor. The hotel was, MANDARIN COURT HOTEL. I was in KL, and the view from the hotel room was awesome. The Twin towers and the KL tower, both were visible from the room. We reached the hotel on 11^th, the day went fine and even 12^th was good, we had a city tour and we were supposed to leave on 13^th morning at 6.00 hours. I slept at 00.30 hours on 13^th.

And then a funny but a real incident started. We had two connected rooms, in one, were my mom and dad and in another were me and my sister. Our room was the fun house, everything started on the thirteenth morning while we were in last night's sleep in Malaysia. My sister was hearing the sound of water, like someone is turning on and off the tap of the basin in the washroom, I on the other hand was continuously disturbed by the talk of people, it seemed like there are people in our room and continuously talking in their language i.e. Malay, I was frustrated and irritated with there talk (and moreover I was not understanding anything, at least talk in Hindi.)

Someone was taking our blankets off us, and this didn’t happen once, this happened a lot of time and surprisingly with both of us, this just cannot be the co incidence, right? And not only taking it off but also scratching my feet as if trying to wake me up. But fortunately, I was a sleeping like hell and didn’t wake up to find out that I am in real hell and that to in my own hotel room, but yes, I could feel the scratching. I asked my mom and dad in the morning that if they were doing that, but that the answer was a straight no.

And again I clearly remember it was around 2.30 in the morning and my dad’s phone started, stated on its own, with no one even near it, it doesn't even have a timer to start on its own, just the music started not even the screen. The music was as if someone has switched on the phone. This I could hear clear and nice and also my sister heard it. But in the morning we found out that is was switched off as was kept the last night. That night was over we got up at 4.00 and left the hotel at 6.00. But 13 didn’t stop following us, we reached the airport in about 80-90 minutes, and till the time we checked in it was 8.30. And the gate number we got was C-13, yes right, C-13, somewhere in my mind it was disturbing me because of the fresh experience I had about the number-‘13’. The flight was at 9.30 and we were waiting there till 9.15 and no one was showing up. Almost 45 minutes had passed and no one was there. Then came our tour manager running towards us, we had a sigh of relief. But he came for a different reason, he was not here for the flight but to search us, because the flight was at gate C-31 and not C-13, it was a misprint on our boarding passes.

Some how we made it till gate C-31 in time or rather on time, but we had to run a lot, almost more than half a kilometer. The KL airport is very very big. We reached Chennai, and then to Mumbai, now I was feeling better, people around me were talking in Hindi and Marathi felt like I am at home. Feeling better for one more reason that the 13^th day of the month had passed, just few more hours to go. We boarded the flight to Nagpur, but it didn’t stop following us, the seat I got was 13-B.

Life Of My Own

Life of my own,

Owns it no one,

Neither any living being,

Nor any emotion.

Many things in life,

Important is what I decide,

No shame in it,

Nothing to hide, nothing to confide.

I want to be aloof,

No one gets close,

No one becomes important,

Far everyone goes.

Connected to nothing,

Want to get out of my own mind,

So when I go forever,

I don't leave my heart behind.

Life of my own,

Owns it no one,

Neither any living being,

Nor any emotion.

FRIENDSHIP-LOVE--LOVE-FRIENDSHIP

'I think we should talk once in a week now,' she said. I was surprised. All of a sudden why was she talking like that? My obvious reaction was, 'what? why? what happened?'.

'I am worried about you.'

'And why so ?'

'kyu matlab, muze darr lag raha hai.' she replied.

And I was seriously confused, what the hell was she trying to tell. I had no idea and not a single clue. Alright now, to be clear on my side, I am going for my higher studies in few months. The place where I will be going is not yet decided, (as usual, still confused). So I am trying to talk to her as much as I can and as long as I am in India. Who knows when I go, how often we could talk.

And now talking about her reply, was she afraid of talking to me? Or just me? I said,'darr, what the hell are you talking? Of what? Me?'. My every sentence had lots and lots of questions.

'No, of course not you, what I am trying to say is, if you miss me too much and keep going like this, I am afraid, you would start feeling for me in a different way, to be very specific, I think, you would fall in love with me.' She gave the explanation to her statement. And I must say, really a very specific explanation.

Man, I was bowled, clean bowled. I went of out words which I had learnt since I was born.

''Oye, noway, I mean.. , how can you.. , no.. , no, why do u think like this, you are my best friend, and will always be, the relationship we share is never going to change, we will be like this forever.' I tried to prevent myself.

'You even said that you would not miss me, but your behavior is quite ironic to what you said, isn't it ?' Now she had started to raise questions.

'Hey, common now, missing is friend is not a big deal, it is normal'

'No doubt it is, but the way you are behaving, it is not at all normal.'

Now what was I suppose to say? 'No.' I shouted.

'Yes you are.' Came the reply at the lightning speed.

'See, believe me, I am not going to change or rather my feelings are not going to change.' I said, as I had to say something to stop her from that topic.

'I hope,' she said and continued, 'hey have to go now, bbye, and again, I just hope.' And cut the call.

'I also just hope that I don't.' I said to my self and continued with my work.

THE NEXT DAY

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Its boring, this particular day is very very boring. Yesterday was my birthday, it was my day, from 11.30 pm on 18th, I started getting calls to wish me. It was a great fun yesterday. Calls, messages, mails, scraps everything was awesome. Family and friends together, just wow.

Even I enjoyed the BEATING my friends gave in the name of BIRTHDAY BUMPS yesterday. God, they really cracked me, hit me real bad.....
Friends whom I have not heard from in months and even years in some cases wished me. It feels really really good. And yes to mention, two of my friends brought bouquets for me, two of them brought pastries for me and the rest came empty handed, (not even a greeting card) ...

The day passed, but not to forget, it indeed was a great day and full of enjoyment. Today 20th march, the next day of my birthday, seems like every single person in this world has forgotten me. All of a sudden I am vanished in the thin air. This is what makes the next day very very boring. Yesterday, so much attention and today, dushhhhhhhhhh, nothing.

Well its kinda boring but not to be sad because yesterday, which was my day, I enjoyed it to the fullest. But yes, as the last blog said "NO PARTY THIS YEAR", I followed it, but my friends didn't.
This is for why our friends are........aren't they ????????????

BEST FRIEND

Out of many friends, 

Few make a very special place in our heart ....

We just hope life never takes us apart....

One of my best friend, she is there for everything, a great, great friend.

A friend for lifetime. Met her in college, was with me in first year.

Though, our branches were different, mine was ETC and she was in ETRX, we connected very well, at least we were in the same ELECTRONICS department. The friendship grew with time, grew to a extent that WE became a habit.

Last week I was in Pune for the weekend. On Monday, when I was leaving, she called. Said got a call for the interview in Pune, that of course was a great news. I came back to Nagpur and the very next day she left for Pune, for the interview. Came to know she got selected, again, indeed, I was very happy, but soon realized she now had to shift to Pune. She will be leaving me now, this was to happen but didn't see this one coming so soon and sudden !!!

Tried to spend as much time with her, we had only 3 days. Fought with her, and then tried to make her laugh, laughed with her, had a very good time, which I will remember for ever.

She left today, 17Th march, two days before my birthday, (am surely not celebrating my birthday this year ...  )

Just now returned home, went to drop her off to the bus stand..

Very very very happy for her but a bit sad for me..

Well this is life, whatever happens, happens for good .................

You got to think like this to be happy.